In this judgemental society, maintaining an image is crucial. Yet, with a personality of a hidden otaku, maintaining an image is difficult. I am usually described as quiet and reserved… until people get to know me. When they do, well, let’s say they might regret and wish they could turn the clock back, unless they are an otaku just like me. The fact that I’m not an isolated roamer in school makes me grateful that I have friends who accept me even after knowing my weird side.
I’m an insecure person. I think too much about things, whether or not they are important. I care far too much about what others think of me. Hence, I’m cautious of hiding my otaku self from people I just meet. When the doors of my actual personality are opened, there’s no escape. Sometimes I joke about how my friends have no choice but to accept my weird personality because we’re already such good friends.
I can’t watch an anime silently. I have a peculiar habit of pointing out the strangest things in an anime. It may be a romantic scene, but my mind would register something else… Something totally opposite and silly. For instance, when I was watching The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, there was a scene where Makoto and Chiaki were sitting and talking near the riverside. That reminded me of the Literary Girl scenes in Daily Lives of High School Boys. The atmosphere is totally off, but Hidenori often finds himself encountering the Literary Girl when he’s alone near the river. You can probably tell how random I can be now. It would be more sensible to compare the scene to Kimi ni Todoke since Kazehaya and Sawako have walked together in a similar scene. In fact, I did think of that when Chiaki was cycling with Makoto sitting behind him. (Riversides are often portrayed in anime, especially for shoujo anime.) However, the strange comments I make are the ones that make me… one of a kind, I guess.
Another eccentric characteristic of mine is fangirling over anime characters. I can’t help it. This is the main reason why I cannot watch anime in public. It’s an instant, fatal strike to my social life. (That’s pretty much an exaggeration.) During the rare cases when I do watch anime in public, I do my best to mask my facial expressions, to do my best impersonation of Kuroko’s poker face. This is not always successful, and I have been guilty of laughing out loud in public.